How to Find the Right Mentor (And How to Be One)

Mentorship comes in different forms for both sides of the field - the mentor and the mentee. Each one with unique experiences that determine the relationship and values that are gotten from this experience that has existed since the dawn of time.

Over the course of my career, I’ve had the privilege of having people be in positions to mentor me - through circumstance, established personal or professional relationships with those that already had years of experience ahead of me, and sometimes also those that recognize my work or possibly potential and want to help me grow in that regard.

I’ve also had a number of opportunities to be in a position to mentor others in different forms that I hope to cover in this post.

Becoming a mentee - especially early career

There is a trend that is quite common but I don’t think it works, yet people keep doing it - and it’s asking people to mentor you out of the blues. I’m uncertain how they could have the interest to commit to a relationship that demands and shapes a lot.

What should you do instead?

Watch from a distance

The world of socials today has put people’s thoughts and work in accessible platforms all over for us. Before asking that person outright to be your mentor, you have the opportunity to observe their career path (LinkedIn perhaps), follow their thoughts and work if they share them on platforms like Twitter or GitHub or anywhere else. With this you can already form opinions, learn stuff not just from what they say but what they have done and how they did it.

I had no idea what developer relations was when I began and I don’t think I had any one tell me directly to go into developer relations - but I observed those who were further in their career doing similar things I was doing and was able to learn from the path they had forged.

Ask specific and meaningful questions

At some point, the need to reach out directly might come up. This helps establish a relationship of some sorts but you don’t want to make a bad impression either. Showing with your questions that you have not only given what you are about to discuss some thought, but you have presented a way their answer (and time) could directly translate to value for you gets many speaking.

To wear the mantle of mentor is heavy, and many like me, would ponder before picking it up.

Sending a cold request

I can’t completely dismiss this because I’m sure it has worked for some. However, I reckon what those would have in common is a clear indication of what this relationship would mean. If you have to do this, showing that you have done your homework would go a long way - what they do, what you do, why you think their experience and time would be of value to you as you grow.

Any one worth their salt would tell if you’re sending a generic message or if you’re connecting with them directly. I’ve gotten many of this when people point out things that don’t even align with me at all as why they need me to mentor them.

Applying for a mentorship program

I once benefited from this, Aaron used to run an annual opening for mentees where he spent time with them talking about their goals, and providing support where he could. This takes a lot of commitment and only makes sense to apply to those that do align with the path you desire.

Getting a mentor at work

Your manager by design could be a defacto mentor to you, but that may not always be the case. Where possible, take advantage of their knowledge and experience especially in your 1:1s and ask them questions that not only apply to your day-to-day work, but also help you grow in your career.

For flatter hierarchy teams or similar, building relationships with anyone more senior could be an alternative for this. Good questions are an amazing entry point.

Mentoring

I am less of an expert here compared to being a mentee lol, but like Denzel Washington once said, there are times in life where we learn, earn and return. And as you continue to grow in your career there’s someone that could benefit already from what you’ve already been through, so it’s a good idea to start to give back to keep the pipeline flowing.

Mentoring through Open DMs

My DMs on Twitter have been open for as long as I can remember and I get a ton of DMs, many I sometimes don’t get to on time because life continues to do its thing. But I’ve also had many that benefitted from this - they found a safe space and asked impactful questions that they could apply to their situation and always followed up. We didn’t have an official mentor-mentee relationship but there was value being created here.

Please note, I do not hesitate to ignore messages that feel like spam, scam or sham.

But opening up a messaging line allows people that may genuinely need your insights get them with less overhead.

Opening up applications

I’ve seen different colleagues at different stages of their career decide to do this as well. It’s a lot of commitment and it’s easy to go south. I’ve done this a few times but it’s not something I’ll claim I did with excellence as life does continue to happen.

So tailor expectations, you carry a heavy burden that you’ve opened up.

Working with driven mentees

With my DMs open, I’m able to tell when someone actually cares about their journey, and are in pursuit of excellence like I was - so I feel more invested in them. The way I’ve found to do this when possible, is to establish a working relationship with them when both parties are aligned. I do a lot of passion, community-themed, free projects that they can go off on to challenge themselves and learn directly from me in a working environment.

While this entire thing is part-time for them, I make sure to also still pay them a stipend for the value they are creating and many amazing things have come out of this. This however, is a strict selection process for me - it’s not an avenue for cheap labor.

Wrapping Up

This isn’t an exhaustive list about how both sides of mentorship can make the most of this relationship, but when done with the right reasons, commitment and intentions, amazing value is created and knowledge passed down the pipeline.

I look forward to any additional insights or brilliant thoughts from your experiences.